I'm sorry that I lied to you and told you that I would love you forever.

I'm sorry that I don't know what is going through my turmoil brain,and why I am so unhappy, I'm sorry I cant seem to make sense and that I told you that I didn't know if I loved you, I'm sorry I shattered your heart into little pieces but I couldn't be in this half heartedly.

There was a time when you were my everything, the reason I woke up in the morning with a smile on my face, the reason I dressed up and made an effort instead of walking out of the house in track pants or pajamas. the reason the world made sense.

You were my go to person when I was down, when I heard some juicy gossip, when I always locked my keys in the car, when I couldn't stop crying because I had watched a sappy movie or I heard a sad song, my go to person that always made me laugh and would hug me and call me a silly muli, when I spoke before thinking ...you would roll your eyes and say something like "no little miss Ashby the whale isn't real, hence why its in a museum"

We had great summers going to the beach, diving, laughing with our friends staying up all night talking about the future and what it beholds for us...I felt so safe around you, like I was unstoppable I loved you so much that the thought of not being around you made me sick to my stomach...

But something happened.....we began to argue alot say things that will forever hurt each other, you never came home in the weekends, you said that you didn't love me to many times and I to you, we lost the magic we lost our wreckless love.

I honestly don't know how we will both cope I wish life was easy and that I couldn't feel the pain ...

I' m so sorry that I won't be your some kind of wonderful, but how can I when I'm not happy with myself, hopefully this is a rut. Hopefully we will reunite in the future, Hopefully .....

But I am sorry I lied to you, I wanted to be your forever I really did...and for that I am sorry.

I'll be there

When you cant decide if you want black forest chocolate or fruit and nut...I will help you decide

When you drink a bit to much and start crying because you didn't fulfill your dream of being a rock star...I will be crying with you because I didn't fufill my dreams of ruling the world.

When you want to do a drive by but to ashamed to ask anyone to go with you...I will already be shoving you in the car with a destination already in place

When your heart gets broken into little pieces...I will be there in a flash with kfc, ice cream, ciggies and wine saying "that bastard, don't worry I'll give him a big upper cut"

When you want to dance on table tops screaming at the top of your lungs" I love this song"....I will be there right next to you dancing on the table with my hands in the air trying to look like a dancer from Chris browns video clip

When you want to wear a crop top with opague tights because miranda kerr was wearing it...I'll be there to slap some sense into you.

When you are laughing so hard you can't breathe...I will be laughing/ snorting with you .

When you are singing out of tune on singstar and making everyone cringe when you try it hit the high notes...I will be your back up dancer doing the shimmy with jazz hands.

When you just want to sit in silence ....I will be there sitting in silence with you.

When you feel like your world is crumbling around you and that you can't cope anymore...I'll be there to pick you up.

And when the years are showing on your face and your strongest days are gone, I will be there with you all wrinkly playing last card saying "shit we had a great life"

"We think we need so many useless things, when all we really need is time to breathe"

I heart you Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Life... some kind of wonderful

She giggled as she kissed the cherry blossom she called life...

For she knew it was exposing her to a some kind of wonderful that she couldn't describe.

It was like the first time she tried fudge ice cream at movenpick which obviously was the reason her waist had extended 3 inches , or the first time she heard her favourite song, which she sings so loudly and out of tune in the car that the people in the next car slowly wind up their window to escape the pain.

The same some kind of wonderful that used to make her heart flutter everytime he would walk into the room with a smile so big it melted her heart,even if he did buy her a vaccum cleaner for her birthday or could get short tempered and lazy he still was her wonderful.

When she purchased a new outfit she knew she could never afford and would more then likely be eating baked beans for a month. Which she would then hang up in her room to admire for about a week before putting in the wardrobe in colour cordination using only black coat hangers, because to her other colours were like having your life out of order

That same sort of some kind of wonderful feeling she gets everytime she sees her friends, the way they always pick her up, can talk all night long about the same subject with out getting bored, laughs when she trips over in front of a crowd, holds her hair back when shes had a few,is there when shes crying her eyes out because she hates her job and she loves that they are always up for a good night out and dance till the wee hours of the morning. .......

I mean she knows her wonderful isn't perfect and sure she would love a better job, smaller wasitline, curses god for not giving her legs to heaven, an account with free flowing money, the voice of alicia keys, and the addiction for food....but

...I guess that wonderful is her life and for now ...she would never change it

xox

Wreckless love

Lets go back in time,where you wanted to know my every move tried to keep it smooth keeping up with me, you drove me crazy oh baby lets go back there.

I want to have that wreckless love that off the wall wont stop till I get enough of that crazy love.
Lets go back there and take it back to where we just couldn't get enough of that wreckless love, where we got butterflies when we just thought about kissing each other, holding hands was like melting so unfamiliar but so right, where we needed that wreckless love, staying up all night talking and kissing not caring that we had work in a couple of hours, lets go back there.

Where we didn't need anyone else because we had each other to the point that if the world was ending we wouldn't have a clue.that crazy love where we needed each others touch it was so new a bit hesitant, nerve wrecking, stomach clenching if I didnt see you or talk to you, watching what we said around each other, wanted to be touched so badly we couldn't get enough of it.
Getting dressed up making an effort for each other, carefully doing my hair and make up, checking to see that nothing is out of place.

Together we were a force to reckon with, we were unstoppable we had a wreckless love I don't care where we are kinda love....

Dancing, its like air to my lungs it keeps me alive

I find the less I dance the more I feel like I can't function.

.....it was love at first sight........